For 5 days straight (more if counting before February 1st), I have had my nose to the grindstone working away at my models. Never have I felt so happy with my finish work and felt so inspired to drive on. Honestly, it's been a very long time since I buried myself so deeply in my art and oh does it feel good.
To keep up the momentum I have been hosting online parties with my local hobby friends and of course, Erica Ferguson. Despite the challenges of the pandemic, things are going smoothly on this end. Admittedly the house arrest is making painting very efficient!
However, I knew in the back of my mind that there would be a major barrier to overcome once I opened my first jar of pigments. Despite the utmost of precautions (mask, gloves, open window, overhead fan, etc, etc, etc) my health began to deteriorate. Previously in my posts I had mentioned how badly oils affected me with migraines, but quite honestly nothing compares to how I feel around pigments. Whatever the reason, they absolutely cripple me for about 2 weeks, leaving me drained of energy, dizzy, nauseous, and leaving my chest tight. Two years ago I had posted about a severe decline in my health that left me with multiple heart exams and a few trips to the hospital, the culprit: pigments.
I could post link after link after link after link of peer reviewed medical studies on the toxicity of these pigments, and I will below, but knowing all of this and having the evidence in front of my face and my symptoms getting worse every single year I didn't want to believe it... No matter the precautions, I cannot handle pigments. I hate to say it because I love them so much, but until I can find a solution, I will have to take the advice of fellow hobbyists and switch to the dreadful alternative if I want to continue painting model horses; acrylics.
After spending a night of coughing and crying and finding it hard to breathe... I think it's time to stop fighting it and just bend to the fact that if I don't do something about my health now, I won't be around much longer to paint anyways.
My boyfriend, Eric, patted my back and mandated that I was to not paint Saturday at all and to just take it easy. Let my lungs rest and do something else, like build my new jump. Walking into my studio that morning was like a sledgehammer in the chest as I went through a fit of coughing. I had to back away and say I couldn't do it, I couldn't go into that room even with a mask. He understood and instead we took a drive into town and walked the dogs on the snowy sidewalks. Admittedly, the sub zero temperatures cleared my raw throat a little and I did feel better. Getting home and walking through the door brought it all back though as the fumes and the pigment dust still hung in the air. I spent the rest of the day working on some digital art instead of working on my NaMoPaiMo models.
Admittedly I am so frustrated and so upset, to me it's like being told "You will never walk again, accept that."
I'll finish my models just as I planned. I will push through as much as I can, especially since I am done with pigments this round. I will paint as safely as I can with mask, gloves, open window, etc. I will push myself to do better and improve my skills. I will also give up the chase and accept that my mortal body has limitations... and that if I want to continue to paint model horses I will have to stay with less volatile mediums like gesso, acrylics, and pencils. I will not give up the search to find a safer way to use pigments... but it won't be during NaMoPaiMo 2021.
To those reading this, I tell you from the bottom of my heart: Paint safe or don't paint at all. There is only one you and you need to look after yourselves in body and mind. Take a breather, get up and stretch, and for God sakes wear your mask in the studio (and out in public).
Scholarly Links regarding the hazards of pigments:
(There are ton's more out there, but here are a handful)
Manganese (the toxic metal within Umber): https://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&lr=&id=r1hq62uJGKcC&oi=fnd&pg=PA89&dq=UMBER+toxicity&ots=lV951bVOwG&sig=jGk9J4h-s25cGeRVeal2irH9YMw#v=onepage&q&f=false
Heavy Metal Toxicity: https://content.sciendo.com/view/journals/intox/7/2/article-p60.xml
Historically Green Pigments: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S092777571931026X
Inhaling Car Paint Dust: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2214750018306863
Comments